Love is a basic human need. Everyone needs to love and feel loved. What if you love someone so much that you feel the need to say “I love you” several times a day? Or, on the other hand, what if you need to hear the words “I love you” and you’re not hearing them? Communication and honesty are the most important factors in a relationship to understanding how you and your partner feel.
Many people have different viewpoints on this subject. If you are in a new relationship, it may feel right to say “I love you” multiple times throughout the day. If it feels natural, then do it. However, you need to take into account the feelings of your partner. Do they say it as much as you do? Do their facial expressions show that they enjoy saying it and hearing it as much as you? If not, sit down and talk with your partner. Explain to each other what you need to feel loved and what areas you can make compromises to accomodate their feelings. You may have the same needs or you may not. You’ll never know what each of you want unless you communicate openly and honestly to each other.
If you’re in a long-term relationship you may find that you don’t hear those three little words that much anymore. Maybe, since you’ve been together so long, you don’t need to say it as much. As the saying goes… “actions speak louder than words.” This statement is very true. When you’ve become comfortable in a relationship, it’s much easier to know what your partner wants or needs rather than trying to prove it through words. However, some people, even in a long-term relationship, still have the need to hear those words just as often as they did when the realtionship was new. Here again, communication is very important. If you feel that those words are not being said or are being said too much, you need to communicate your feelings to your partner.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He has a need to say “I love you” at least ten times a day. When I get up with the kids in the morning he pops his head up and says,”I love you.” When the kids head off to school I go in the bedroom and get dressed. He wakes up and says, “I love you.” He works the night shift so he sleeps during the day. Every time he gets up to go to the bathroom or get a drink he says, “I love you.” When he leaves the house he says, “I love you.” After an extended period of time, it becomes redundant. It felt like he was overwhelming me with the phrase. I began to feel like I was being forced to say it back to him. Finally, after three years of this (better late than never), I had to tell him that it bothered me. He shows me in so many ways that he loves me. I don’t need to hear it ten or fifteen times a day for years on end. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But, I felt that I had to be honest with him about how I felt.
Do you have a relationship that lacks the words, “I love you?” Do you have a relationship where those words seem to come too easily or fall on deaf ears? Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who has a relationship where your “I love you’s” are just right for both partners. I would love to hear your opinions or examples on this subject.
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my husband says I love you all the time. It bothers me, because they are just words, and not backed by actions or even thoughts. It is habit for him, and sometimes he doesn’t even realize he’s said it at all.
Christina~ I totally understand how you feel. How long have you been married? Have you talked to your husband about it? It can be a very touchy subject.
It took me a long time to realize that I should be honest about how I felt. I mean, most people complain that they don’t hear those words enough. So, who was I to tell him that he said them too much (in my opinion)? I was afraid that he was going to be offended (and he was to some extent) and then he wouldn’t say it at all anymore.
Now, I try to look for things that he does for me that no-one else would do. Then, I tell him “I love you. I don’t think there is any other man that would ever do that for a woman.”
So funny! I think anyone when fall in love almost like hear “I love you” very much and they can get something from this phrase
I googled the term “saying I love you too much” because I am going crazy hearing it from my husband multiple times a day. We’ve been married for a year. It is my second marriage and his first at the age of 46. He’s shy and never expected to find anyone. I do love him, he’s a good person and terribly sweet, but I am about to go crazy. In addition to the constant I Love You’s, he wants to hug me every time I walk by him.
I am a freelance writer who works at home. My husband works 12 hour shifts, which gives him 2-3 weekdays off every week. It’s too much togetherness and I feel like he still has me on a pedestal and it annoys me. I find myself withdrawing from him and I feel terribly guilty because he is a good person who really does love me and treat me well, but I’m not sure how much more I can take. I’ve “hinted around” that I am all business during the day and we don’t need to hug so much, but it’s not really getting through.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 in a half years, we broke up after 8 months of dating because i loved him, told him i loved him, and he told me that he couldn’t give me what i needed at the moment, he couldn’t tell me he loved me. Then after we break up, of course he realized what he had when we were together, and we are back together and have been since. I always want to tell him i love him, not all day, i just want to tell him when i feel it, that’s totally natural…yet, i do not tell him most the time when im feeling it because he never takes the initiative to tell me he loves me. He’s never once looked me in the eye and said, I love you. He’s wrote it through text, he’s said “i love you too.” He’s admitted in a fight, yeah i love you, but it’s never been that sincere moment where he just looks at you and says, babe i love you. He and his parents never really seem to ever say i love you to one another, maybe that has a big part to do with it…yet he has no problem saying how much he loves the cat their family has had for less than one year..What am i? Chopped liver? It actually hurts that he can so i love you to his cat so effortlessly yet NEVER say it to me. He and i have had this conversation many times, he literally says he doesn’t know why he doesn’t tell me “I love you.” He says his actions speak it, well am i being too ungrateful? cause if his actions speak it, i don’t really feel it. He has always been there for me, he is my best friend, we get along so well, but i feel un-loved a lot. I always thought when you love someone, you should have no problem saying it…it makes me feel like he never feels like he loves me therefore he doesn’t say it…he never thinks like damn i love this girl…that’s how it makes me feel. it hurts.
Laur~ I think that what you said about him and his parents never really exchanging those words can impact the frequency and desire to say “I love you.” It seems like he has no problem with indirect ways of saying it, and could perhaps feel bad for not being able to say it as often as you would like. For me, I grew up never exchanging “I love you’s” with family or friends, so it is foreign to me to say it even if I feel it. I am not comfortable with overuse of it too, since it seems unnecessary; I know you care for me, I do not need constant verbal statements that are always the same to show it. Also with “loving” the pet, I can relate to this as well; it is easy to tell something that cannot judge or pressure you that you love them. Animals are silent listeners, and no matter how short the time has been since getting the pet, it seems different than expressing love for a person you know well. It does not mean he holds the cat in higher esteem than you. The main thing about all of this is that for certain people, myself included, “I love you” feels like it should be reserved for special occasions. This does not mean we do not care, but that we don’t understand how hearing it over and over changes anything. Maybe eventually he will be able to say it for special occasions, but for now, accepting the care in actions should be more important from my perspective.
Oh im so glad i found this site. My boyfriend is the same. We have like 9 or more phone conversations during the day and he expects me to say i love you after every one and when we are together, like every time. I used to think, it would be so cool if i could get someone to say those words but now after the hearing it the 5th or so time in one day, i get this need to say “oh my God, stop saying it already. Arrrggggh” Then i feel bad for feeling this way but i dont think i can continue like this . He feels insecure when i dont say it first and its not the same if someone tells u to say it. Please advice me cos i think im gradually starting to fall out of love because of it.
I am in the same situation with Lisa above. My girlfriend says it so much it does not have the same meaning as it once did. I dont know if she says it because of security issues or because her dad passed away and she is trying to fill that gap. I wish I knew because its getting tiresome.