Love is a basic human need. Everyone needs to love and feel loved. What if you love someone so much that you feel the need to say “I love you” several times a day? Or, on the other hand, what if you need to hear the words “I love you” and you’re not hearing them? Communication and honesty are the most important factors in a relationship to understanding how you and your partner feel.
Many people have different viewpoints on this subject. If you are in a new relationship, it may feel right to say “I love you” multiple times throughout the day. If it feels natural, then do it. However, you need to take into account the feelings of your partner. Do they say it as much as you do? Do their facial expressions show that they enjoy saying it and hearing it as much as you? If not, sit down and talk with your partner. Explain to each other what you need to feel loved and what areas you can make compromises to accomodate their feelings. You may have the same needs or you may not. You’ll never know what each of you want unless you communicate openly and honestly to each other.
If you’re in a long-term relationship you may find that you don’t hear those three little words that much anymore. Maybe, since you’ve been together so long, you don’t need to say it as much. As the saying goes… “actions speak louder than words.” This statement is very true. When you’ve become comfortable in a relationship, it’s much easier to know what your partner wants or needs rather than trying to prove it through words. However, some people, even in a long-term relationship, still have the need to hear those words just as often as they did when the realtionship was new. Here again, communication is very important. If you feel that those words are not being said or are being said too much, you need to communicate your feelings to your partner.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He has a need to say “I love you” at least ten times a day. When I get up with the kids in the morning he pops his head up and says,”I love you.” When the kids head off to school I go in the bedroom and get dressed. He wakes up and says, “I love you.” He works the night shift so he sleeps during the day. Every time he gets up to go to the bathroom or get a drink he says, “I love you.” When he leaves the house he says, “I love you.” After an extended period of time, it becomes redundant. It felt like he was overwhelming me with the phrase. I began to feel like I was being forced to say it back to him. Finally, after three years of this (better late than never), I had to tell him that it bothered me. He shows me in so many ways that he loves me. I don’t need to hear it ten or fifteen times a day for years on end. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But, I felt that I had to be honest with him about how I felt.
Do you have a relationship that lacks the words, “I love you?” Do you have a relationship where those words seem to come too easily or fall on deaf ears? Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who has a relationship where your “I love you’s” are just right for both partners. I would love to hear your opinions or examples on this subject.