Children~Setting boundaries

Raising children today means setting boundaries. With the ever-changing world, not everyone has the same morals. Some parents aren’t concerned with their childs’ welfare. As long as their child “stays out of their hair”, they couldn’t care less what their child is doing or where he or she is going. Other parents, on the other hand, are concerned with what their child is doing and will read this and take this information to heart. Those parents who don’t use discipline or aren’t worried about their children most likely will not read this.


I have found that setting boundaries can help ease some of the problems that most parents face. I’m a mom of four children; two boys ages 11 & 12 and two girls ages 17 & 19. No child is perfect. In the same respect, no parent is perfect. The parent/child relationship is always changing and growing. Each child is different. Therefore, it is very important to set boundaries for each child according to his/her age and maturity. For example, my 17 year-old daughter has a 10:00 curfew on school nights. She actually set this boundary for herself. She knows that she must get up early to prepare for school. In setting this boundary for herself, she shows her maturity level. My boys, on the other hand, would stay up until the wee hours of the morning. Ergo, their bedtime boundaries must be set for them.


Here are some simple rules to go by when setting boundaries for your children.
1. Listen and compromise: Listen to your children. Find out what they want. Your child may want to do their homework at a later time in the day because they are so overwhelmed right after school that they just need a break. I did this with my boys. I used to make them do their homework right after school. I used to fight tooth and nail with them on this issue. One day, I sat down and actually listened to what they wanted. To my surprise, they made sense! After listening to them, we compromised. Now, when they come home from school, they have play time or TV time for two hours. Every day at 4:30 they know to sit down and do their homework. No fights, no tantrums (from them or myself), and no excuses! NO PROBLEM! It’s wonderful.

2. Set specific rules: There are some rules that you can’t or won’t compromise with them. Therefore, you need to be specific. If you tell your daughter to be home by 10:00, then she should be home by 10:00 right? Okay, what if she’s “home” but hanging outside with friends until 11:00? You weren’t specific. Make sure that you tell her, “be home and in the house by 10:00 tonight. What happens, God forbid, if you find drugs in your teenagers’ room? What do you tell him/her? “I don’t ever want to see drugs in this house again.” That is just telling your child to go ahead and do drugs just don’t bring into the house. This subject definitely needs more attention from professionals. This was only used as an example of being specific.

3. Trust them: From an early age, your children need to learn that they can trust you. In the same manner, you need to learn to trust your child(ren). Allow them room to make mistakes and then learn from them. Let them show you that they can be home at a certain hour. If they earn that trust from you, reward them. I can’t stress how important it is to reward your children for good behavior! Most children hear the negative side. Don’t say, “You made it home on time but…” Make sure that you thank them for being home on time. If there is another issue at hand, wait until later to deal with the issue. Give them time to bask in the glory of doing something right and gaining your trust.

4. Be consistent: If you tell your child(ren) that they are grounded, stick to it! Don’t let them cajole you into releasing them from being grounded early.

• No, means no!
• Don’t give in!
• Stick with it!
• Let them learn!


If you are always letting them talk you into going somewhere when they’re grounded or you’ve already said no, then you lose! Chalk one up for your child and zero for you. It can be a long, hard mountain to climb when you stick with your first answer. Your child will try to make you feel guilty or give you the silent treatment as punishment for sticking it out. Please, please, please DO NOT give in. This is the only way that your child will understand that your word is golden.


The same goes for your positive words and deeds. If you promise to take your child to the movies, then do it! If something so totally unavoidable comes up, I’m sure that they’ll understand. Be honest with them and explain the problem. Then work out a compromise to follow through with your promise. If you’re inconsistent all the time, your child will know this. He/she will use this against you to get what they want.

Read Full Post »

Behind Closed Doors

The fun of being a parent is finding humor in the things that drive you crazy.

There are fourteen doors in my house. There’s the front door, back door, four bedroom doors, two bathroom doors, and six closet doors. With that many doors in the house, I don’t understand how my boys always zone in on which door that I’m behind. Whenever they see a closed door, they feel that it’s necessary to knock on it. I am partly to blame for this. I have always tried to teach my children proper manners. That includes knocking on a door and waiting for a response before trying to open the door. However, if I close a door that usually means that I need my privacy. It doesn’t seem to matter which door it is, there always comes a knock on the door before I’ve decided to open it myself.
If I’m in the bathroom, with the door closed, then I definitely want my privacy. It’s like these kids are drawn by some magnetic field to a closed door but repelled by an open door. Every time that I go into the bathroom to do my business, my business and nobody else’s business, there’s a knock at the door. There must be some mathematical equation for this. Closed door + mom= knock, knock, knock. For the last twelve years, I have not been able to go to the bathroom in peace.
Today, I entered the bathroom hoping, just once in my life, for two minutes of privacy. Lo and behold, what do my ears hear? Knock, knock, knock.
“What,” I yell from my throne.
“Mom, are you going to the bathroom,” asked Austin.
“No, I’m visiting with the Pope,” is my reply. “Of course I’m going to the bathroom. Why what do you want?”
“Never mind.”
“You mean to tell me that you couldn’t wait two minutes to tell me never mind,” I grumbled opening the door.
It’s always something that could have waited just two tiny minutes until I opened the darn door. The question or comment never comes in the form of a dire emergency. God forbid they have to wait two minutes, let alone two seconds, to aggravate me.
Earlier today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette and to get a few minutes of peace and quiet. Ha, that didn’t work. As I took the first drag of my cigarette and pondered what my next task of the day would be, my oldest son, Christian, knocked on the inside of the back door and peered out the window at me. With phone in hand, he opened the door letting the freezing cold winter air into the house and proceeded to ask me what his fathers’ phone number was.
“I don’t know! What do I look like, a phone book?” I asked with a scowl on my face.
I set my cigarette down on the railing and went in to find his dads’ phone number. He had called his dad several times within the last two days. It shouldn’t be that hard to find the number already in the phone. I then proceeded to show him how to gently put his finger on the redial button and keep pressing it until the area code for New Jersey came up. After all, that’s about the only number from New Jersey that is dialed on our phone. He kept pushing the redial until he saw his dads’ number. With a smile and a press of the talk button, he had learned something new. He was totally dumbfounded by his new found knowledge.
I left him to his conversation and went back outside to finish my cigarette. When I came back in, I had to dodge the dust balls floating across the floor as my husband chased them with a broom. Oh my God, he’s sweeping! Yes world, I said sweeping and not sleeping. Now that’s a first. It’s really nice of him to sweep even though I’ll have to go behind him and redo it after he goes to work. After all, he is a man. I went to my room and shut the door. Maybe this time I can get some quiet time. Usually, when I have my bedroom door shut that means I’m either sleeping or I just want to be left alone. As soon as I sat down on my bed, there came a knock on the door.
“What,” I yelled.
“Can I come in,” asked Christian.
“Yes.”
I waited for him to open the door but he didn’t. I guess it wasn’t that important. I shrugged my shoulders and lay down on my bed. Knock, knock, knock.
“What now?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yes! I told you two minutes ago that you could come in,” I screamed.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he said opening the door.
“What do you want?”
“I just wanted to let you know that dad didn’t answer the phone,” he informed me.
“And you’re telling me this why,” I asked shaking my head.
“Cuz I wanted to let you know that I’m waiting for dad to call me back,” he replied sweetly.
Will there ever be a time, I wonder, when I can relax behind a closed door? Perhaps I need to start hiding out in the closets. I have yet to see the boys knocking on a closet door.

Read Full Post »

Letter to my children (an excerpt from my book)

Letter To My Children:

All of these many years, you’ve wondered how I knew certain things that you never told a soul. I have my ways of finding out these things. There are strategies that all mothers employ. It is a universal language. There are no barriers between mothers. This universal language that I speak of is called mothers’ intuition. A child does not come equipped with a manual. Although, in all honesty, they should come equipped with an in-depth manual. It would make life so much simpler.

At first, mothers’ intuition is foggy, at best. But, over time, and with much experience, the fog clears and a ray of sunshine lights our path. As the child ages, a mothers’ visibility increases with the passing of time. A mother with a one year-old child has only one foot of visibility. They are so concerned with what’s right in front of their child that they can’t see past that one foot range. But, with a ten year-old child, a mother has a ten foot range of visibility. Not bad. However, when the child reaches the teenage years, the fog sets in again and a mothers’ visibility decreases by fifty percent. Therein lies the truth with what I must tell you. Yes, my dear sweet children, I am a mind reader.

There, I have said it. Now you know one of my most treasured secrets. I will not, by any means, reveal any more secrets; not in this book nor the next. “Why,” you ask. Because, you will be reading this book and every book that I write in the future. How do I know that you’ll read my books? I know this because, I’m going to make you sit down and read every single word on every single page of every single book that I write. Then, I will make you write a book report. Mwah, ha, ha, ha.

I have painstakingly raised four of the most annoying, loving, aggravating, brilliant children on the face of this planet. The least that you can do for me is read my books in which you, my dear children, were the inspiration. For, without the birth of my children, this book would have never been written.

Love,
Mom

Read Full Post »

The Kids Are Driving Me Crazy!-Free e-book!

I have four children. So, sometimes it gets really crazy around my house. While my 17 year-old is yelling at her younger brothers, her brothers (ages 11 & 12) play fighting and screaming back at her, messes everywhere, I sit and suffer with an excruciating headache and praying for a break.

If you have days like this, be assured that it does get worse. But, then again, it does get better. One of the best remedies for a crazy day in my house is a laughter break. After all, they say that laughter is the best medicine.

My laughter break came to me today in the form of an e-book entitled, The Kids Are Driving Me Crazy! by Lisa Barker. Lisa Barker is known as “The Jelly Mom” from the humorous Jelly Mom column which can be found at:

JellyMom.com

This e-book is an excerpt from her book Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!. The e-book cover humorous subjects about toddlers, older children ,going out in public with your kids, kids showing you who the boss is, and so much more.

I highly recommend this book to parents, grandparents, and caretakers so they can enjoy their “laughter break.” Get the free e-book and check out the Jelly Mom Column and more of Lisa’s books.

~Get the free e-book here~

Read Full Post »